How to show up for yourself when it’s the last thing you want to do
I’ll be honest. Lately it's been hard. I am a scheduled and routined person. But this first trimester has thrown me for a loop. I'm not used to feeling crummy pretty much all day everyday. If I have an off day I know tomorrow will be better. But right now that's not the case. It can be pretty overwhelming and frustrating.
I've been wrestling with the thoughts of how to make this situation better when it's not changing. When I'm not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel because I don't know when these symptoms could change. So I can hope for tomorrow but I also need to find joy and purpose in today.
Something I have been trying to do is praying for breakthrough and change. Because our words have power and believe my prayers do have impact. I don't want to give up and ride it out. I want to be the best I can and do the best I can right now. I think this perspective is applicable not just for pregnancy but for anyone. Maybe you’re in school and the classes are a lot right now and it seems hard to stay afloat with all you have to juggle. Maybe you're a mom of a few littles and it's all consuming and overwhelming. It can be hard to poke our head out and see the big picture.
Something I have found to be crucial that I am still working on is shifting my mindset or perspective. It's easy to just sit in frustration and self pity. Because nothing is how it used to be. I feel terrible and I'm tired of feeling this way. I could sit in that my entire pregnancy if I wanted too. But who would benefit from that? No one. It would make the season miserable when it could be a joy. I'm growing a freaking baby. That's insane and beautiful! I don't want the beauties of this season to be lost. So I'm learning that I have to choose it. It's freaking hard. But I have to choose joy and hope. This may all sound dramatic to some. But to those who have been in a season like this you can relate to the feelings.
I've caught myself encouraging others in difficult seasons but then allowing something different for myself. So something else than can be helpful is talking to yourself like you would a close friend. How would you encourage a friend who was in the same season as you? What would you tell them? I know I would say to do your best. And to highlight those small victories. To have grace but don't give up.
I have seen the importance in having people in your corner. I have countless people checking in. But Peter and my mom are my daily support. They check in on me every single day. Allowing me to be real and raw in my emotions. My mom has been in my shoes so she knows how to encourage me in that way. Peter has stepped up in every possible way. He checks in on me when he's at work. He researches things to try to help me. He cheers me on and says what needs to be said when I need to hear it.
Staying in my own lane has been another hard lesson. Comparing is a terrible trap. I catch myself in it way too much. I have to be so aware of my conversations, social media time and just where my head is at. To truly rejoice with others and mourn with others can be really challenging. And not wishing we were in some else's shoes can be such a temptation. But we must root ourselves in truth. Not emotions or temporary situations. Having a list of truths of who you are and your purpose is so important as we face things like this. (I'm preaching to myself)
These are just a few things that have been eye openers for me these past few weeks. To feel the feelings but not to let them take over everything. Have support. Know your truths. Keep going.