How I got out of a restricting and binging cycle.

I look at my starting point as my lowest point. When i was deepest in my restrict and binge cycle.

These photos were from our our honeymoon. Around this time was one of my lowest points with my relationship with food and fitness.

I was getting wedding ready. All the pressure was on and I had nothing but bad habits to get me looking my best. I was cutting carbs, cutting dairy and cutting sugar. Cutting anything that would stop those triggers and help me "be skinny". I was eating less than 1200 calories a day but then losing all control on the weekends. I was running or lifting seven days a week, sometimes doing both each day. I was never able to find a balance.

I tried cheat meals, cleanses and fat loss pills. Anything to bandaid this habit of restricting and binging. I wouldn't eat after a certain time of day and would wake up for fasted cardio in the mornings.

I was a happy person but for a long time I felt I was being fake. No one knew what I was doing and I was a freaking personal trainer. Why couldn't I get this under control?

I can also remember having sleepovers with friends. Getting myself up to exercise at the crack of dawn. I definitely enjoyed working out but I hated the cardio I hated doing two workouts in a day. I would lift in the morning do cardio at night or vice versa. I never gave myself a break, I never let my body rest.

On vacations I had to work out or run every day, it wasn't an option. And as far as food goes I was a very “clean eater”.

In the same breath I would deny all those things when I was either out with friends or at a party. But then when I was alone I would binge eat. It was the most frustrating cycle. I can remember feeling so alone in this cycle feeling so stuck. And also so mad that I didn’t look the way I wanted. I thought if I did these things that I would look a certain way. But that didn’t happen.

After a long time of working through this, praying against it, trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me. I came across macros. And I found people on Instagram that encouraged me to see food and exercise in a different way.

I don't remember exact timelines of when I completely broke from these habits but I hit a point where I was DONE. A few things that i know changed my path were sharing this side of my life with peter. Then starting to educate myself on how I'm supposed to fuel myself to start feeling better. I saw how some other people lived there lives and I felt like there was this huge secret I was missing. How was everyone else was getting results and not me?

No, there's not some big secret we're missing. But I do know fitness is not supposed to be miserable or require your entire life and mind.

Today I track my macros to build muscle. I eat over 2,000 calories. I'm focusing on building muscle and not limiting myself in any food group. You can actually have alcohol AND ice cream any day of the week.🤯 I don't workout 7 days a week or run, ever. Unless I'm playing a game then I will. I am present and enjoy every holiday and vacation or day spent with friends. I feel awesome and am stronger than ever.

I found that tracking macros gave me an understanding of what I needed to be eating to hit certain goals. But is also allowed me flexibility to eat other things. I found working out less my workouts felt better and I wasn’t as tired all the time.

Learning that carbs aren't bad was a game changer. Yes, i need to give myself nutritious foods but it doesn't mean I CAN'T enjoy the other things. Tracking macros helped me see that. Finding something I could stay consistent in and that made me feel good was so freeing.

It took me a long time to break certain habits that weren’t serving me. What I mean by that is

I didn’t want to be the girl who had to go work out on vacation. So I stopped doing that. I want to be the fun aunt who shares a snack with my nephew.

So I have worked to create a life that I love and I’ve gotten the best results that I’ve ever had.

That’s what I preach and that’s definitely what I practice. This can be the same for you. A small part is being educated in what your body needs. But also figuring out what you want for you.

Shut out the noise, how do you want your life to look? How do you want to live. Figure that out and work your fitness and nutrition around that. Don’t let fitness and nutrition run your life

What a lesson to learn. Stop missing out on your life because of food, enjoy it ❤️